Friday, July 4, 2008

A New Day Today (Independence Day)

I began to clean out my studio. It has been on my 'to do' list in my mind for quite some time. When I moved to Missouri in May '07, I realized how much 'stuff' I have acquired so far in my life. My friends and family joked that they weren't going to help me move again (or were they joking?). So where does one put this 'stuff'? If you are me, you stick it in your studio, jamming the closet so you can't put the useful stuff away and piling boxes up along the wall or under the drawing table in a manner that still allows you to work some, all the while ignoring all that shouldn't be ignored. Soon the physical (and metaphysical) debris is so great you can't even set foot in what should be your sacred space of creation without major anxiety attacks. It hit me all recently, while I tried to work on my last project (which, I might add was mostly executed outside of my studio). So out comes all the stuff accumulated from my childhood and beyond (I hope this is all of it)- to be sorted and sold, given away or recycled. I realized that I held this stuff all this time because it told me who I was. The problem with all that, is the fact that it doesn't allow me to 'be' who I am- especially if there's no room, both physically & mentally. It keeps me focused on the past instead of the present, because it is there- and there's so much of it. There's so many dreams and aspirations that are dead here (like all the insects I found as well) but it's not a depressing concept because many of these dreams were co-authored by other wishful persons, or just stopping points in a rich life, and they shouldn't be judged- just sorted, acknowledged and released. I can't deny the past since it's already happened, nor should I. Part of who I am right now, is a result of where I've been. The idea that is most certain presently, is that those dead dreams are not who I am- and I am grateful for that...and my independence day.
Wishing you a happy (and successful) Independence Day